Rank Definitions of Firefighters
Chief
* Leaps short buildings with a single bound
* Is more powerful than a ladder truck
* Is faster than a speeding bullet
* Walks on water
* Gives policy to God
Deputy Chief
* Leaps short buildings with a single bound
* Is more powerful than a pumper
* Is just as fast as a speeding bullet
* Walks on water if sea is calm
* Talks with God
Assistant Chief
* Leaps short buildings with a running start and favorable winds
* Is almost as powerful as a pumper
* Is faster than a speeding BB
* Walks on water in indoor swimming pools
* Talks with God if special request is approved
Engineer
* Barely clears straw huts
* Loses tug-of-war with pumpers
* Can fire a speeding bullet
* Swims well
* Is occasionally addressed by God
Captain
* Makes high marks on buildings when trying to leap them
* Is run over by a pumper
* Can sometimes handle a gun without inflicting self-injury
* Dog paddles in swimming pools
* Talks with animals
Lieutenant
* Runs into buildings when trying to leap them
* Recognizes pumpers two out of three times
* Is not allowed to use guns
* Can stay afloat if properly instructed in the use of a life jacket
* Talks to walls
Fire Fighter
* Lifts buildings and walks under them
* Kicks fire engines and equipment out of the way
* Catches speeding bullets in his teeth and eats them
* Freezes water with a single glance
* He is God
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